on the road to the PhD

I entered the bus, sat down on the first available seat and tried to apply some meditation tips I had read in a blog to stop the train of thoughts in my head. I failed.

“I booked expensive flights, obviously without dinner, to travel here! I am staying in a hostel dormitory with a family of 5 backpackers looking for Nessie! I am sleepless! I suffer from insomnia and my body has very conveniently grown insensitivity to valerian root extract – I had three cups. Three! No, I do not usually do drugs. How can he be ill? Yes, it is snowing and the temperature has dropped to minus four degrees, but examiners cannot fall sick when my most important day is due! Have you ever seen a bride not attending the wedding because she is suffering a cold? And what do you mean it is cancelled? I took days off, not for holidays, for exams! Minus two days from my trip to Thailand – when am I supposed to enjoy the Phi Phi islands, meet the man of my dreams and start a career as a sea adventurer?”

My mobile phone started ringing.

“Hi, boss, I am on my way”, I actually was.
“This is great. I just wanted to let you know it is actually happening, the exam is on! Are you happy?” It was a fair question.
I quickly checked the time.
“What do you mean “it is happening”? There is only one hour left and I need to change into smart clothes and high heels and do my hair and put my makeup on, have you seen my dark circles?”

The old Scottish lady with the white fluffy hair and the red lipstick sitting to my left was staring at me with fear in her eyes and her mouth widely open. This was the moment when I realised I was actually not simply thinking, but shouting my story to her.
Also, I had an audience: all passengers, the driver and a dog.

We were stuck half way, making space for a men-in-kilt parade to pass. Behind the parade, the view of the icy streets of the city was the perfect meditation exercise I was looking for.

*Mynd taken in Edinburgh, Scotland, January 2018*




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